9 Ways to Flourish Through Coaching

It took me a while to remember that the coach who became the reason I pursued this path was not my first ADHD coach. I’d worked with another coach some years before, but the memory hadn’t stuck with me because I’d gained little benefit from the experience. I’ve realised this is because I approached the second coaching relationship with a completely different set of attitudes and intentions then the first. Here are some of the things I’d advise anyone who wishes to gain full benefit from coaching to do.

1. Come prepared

From the very first session, and each session after that, figure out what it is you want to work on with your coach. A great way to do this is to compile a list of topics and challenges before your first session so you have ample material that will pull you toward your goals. You can also watch for topics throughout the week, in between sessions. I found after a while I began to see exactly what I wanted out of certain topics, such as a plan or clarifying what was tripping me up in a particular area.

2. Be aware

Knowing where you are in each area of your life is awesome for getting a jump-start on changing the areas that most need attention. When you know you have a tendency to neglect your physical health, for example, it makes it easier to begin to address that challenge. There are many tools for assisting with this such as filling out a life wheel.

3. Homework

There are many names for this, such as action steps, intentions, and “help-work” which is a particularly upbeat one I learned at ADDCA. It’s essential to keep careful track of the things you plan to do between sessions. This also looks different to different people. I personally use a notebook and reminder app. Whatever way works for you, use it to remember and stay aware of the actions you and your coach figure out together.

4. Ask for what you need

In the style of coaching I was taught, it is part of the coach’s job to assist in challenging the client the correct amount so they are launched forward and do not become overwhelmed. Figure out what this looks like for you and ask your coach to partner with you in planning it. I’ve found that answering quickly when asked about challenging myself leads to overwhelm or not challenging myself enough. I now give myself permission to pause and really consider myself, the week ahead, my energy, and other factors that impact my current ability to be challenged.

5. Detailed plans

When the action steps have been decided, be as detailed as needed in order to have the highest possibility of success. Also watch out for getting caught up in the planning as a way to avoid taking the first step. This is a behavior I’ve found myself in all too often.

6. Regularly reassess

Make sure to frequently check in on the progress toward goals. This will assist with awareness if something is stuck and impeding progress. I find it helps me to simply remember goals. I have so many plates I’m spinning all at once that it’s easy for one to fall without me noticing.

7. Celebrate successes

The other thing number 6 can do is highlight victories and successes. Actively look for those, during every coaching session and in between. Celebration can be a powerful force in momentum forward. When I check on the spinning plates and find none have fallen that is definitely cause for some celebratory dancing.

8. Prioritize self care

Particularly for those of us with ADHD, no one can achieve their full potential if they are not operating at peak performance. Start with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and figure out what you need to get all your needs met. I review my considerable list of needs frequently and am always at my happiest and most efficient when they are more consistently met.

9. Take full advantage

Any given coach may offer a range of services in addition to coaching session. Ask about these and see if any would benefit you. As a coach, as long as boundaries are respected on both sides, I am always thrilled when a client utilizes all possible benefit I can be to them.

What allowed you to gain the most from an opportunity to change?

9 Things I Learned My First Year as a Coach

Although I technically only recently graduated ADDCA’s Basic program and finished training back in March, I consider myself to be a 1 year old coach. My teleclass leaders encouraged all of us to see ourselves as coaches as soon as we possibly could, even before we were “ready”. We weren't going to be coaches, we already were coaches. Here are just some of the things I've learned in that time.

1. Not everyone is ready for change

I firmly believe there is hope for every person to one day achieve the life they want. However, the truth is that, for some, that day has yet to dawn. Many, many factors go into a person being able and willing to create positive change. Timing can often be a huge one. I have found this fact assists me to have greater patience when I see those around me suffering, but not yet ready to change.

2. Unsolicited advice is useless

I wrote a whole post on this topic and every time I'm tempted and break this new rule I've made for myself I rediscover how utterly futile this behavior is.

3. Customized solutions

It is often said that everybody is different and it naturally follows that what works for one person won't work for another. This has been brought home to me over and over again as I work with clients. Things that make perfect sense to me are not meant to work for someone else. If they did, there would be no need for coaches, we co-explorers of the new and untried paths to success.

4. Don't fight your brain

So many people try and force things that simply are not the direction their brains are meant to go. One of the things I do as a coach is to assist people to look at the ways in which their brains naturally go and work with instead of against that flow.

5. Stages of ability

Even when a person is 80% whole (the assumption I was taught to make every time I meet with a client) there are levels or stages of ability that exist at any given time and in a vast range of areas. The most fantastic thing is that when a person is ready to change, it is possible to build on whatever levels they are currently on and rise higher, infinitely. We are all works in progress.

6. Legacies

I have struggled to simply function for most of my life. All the clutter associated with that pre-diagnosis fight concealed a miraculous fact from me: some people are actively working on what they will leave behind for future generations. This incredible concept stunned me when I was introduced to it late in my coach training. It is my ultimate goal to become a person like that someday.

7. Needs support productivity

I’d assumed most of my life that the things I wanted/needed (the definition was much fuzzier then) were nice bonuses of life. If I worked hard I'd earn the ability to relax and that the two came exclusively in that order. I have recently discovered that attending to needs (like play) are not only helpful for productivity but, when you have ADHD, essential. If I don't get proper sleep, play, and a number of other needs met, I am unable to be productive.

8. Follow your passion; It is not a pipe dream

Someone once told me that following what you love to make a living was nothing more than a Disney fantasy. I have a theory this belief may be unintentionally propagated by the movie industry. To make something normal it helps to include it in entertainment, however is it also communicating the idea that you can only follow your dreams if you are in a movie?

It definitely portrays the journey as shorter than it really is and sometimes as more comfortable. That montage set to Katy Perry’s Firework is actually representative of months, years, or even decades of living as no one is willing to live so you can live as no one is able to live.

I have come to know that this is not a fantasy, at least not for me.

9. The client does the work

If you had asked me a year ago who, in the coaching partnership, did the work, I'm not sure what I would have answered. I know the answer now, however. In the style of coaching I was taught, the coach doing the work for the client is as useful as a personal trainer hopping on a treadmill in the hopes that their client will lose weight. To be successful, the client does the work, both in sessions and between, and I am simply a facilitator.

What a fascinating journey 2016 was for me as a coach. I can't wait to find out what new revelations 2017 holds for me.

What did 2016 help you learn?

11 Questions That Changed My Life

Marilee Adams, Ph.D. is a leading expert on Question Thinking. Before I was introduced to her, and the power of questions at ADDCA, I had never considered how impactful the humble question could be. The style of coaching I was taught is powered by questions in the same way cars are powered by gasoline. I cannot imagine movement without it.

There are some questions that have impacted me positively more than others. The thoughts, revelations, and actions that sprang from them helped shape who I am today and assisted me in accomplishing everything I've achieved.

#1: “What is this emotion trying to tell me?”

I have learned that emotions can be viewed as messengers. They come to us to indicate something is seeking our attention. I always resolve issues faster when I ask myself this question.

#2: “When do I feel most at peace?”

This question is relatively new to me. It challenges my assumptions about what others say is needed for peace, because it is an intensely personal concept. I discovered the answer, right now, is “when I am most productive”. This has assisted me in motivating myself to do things that aren't fun for me.

#3: “What do I need?”

One of the more complex but vital questions I've ever been posed. Luckily I am almost always able to answer it, when I pause to ask.

#4: “What can I do without?”

Speaking of things that aren't fun. Answering this question, or rather discovering the answer when I continually make the choice to pursue running my own business instead of applying for a ‘real job’, has been one of the most challenging things I've ever done. That and truly coming to terms with the answers.

#5: “What is my definition of the difference between want and need?”

The vital word here is ‘my’, just like #2. It doesn't matter what others think. How do I define want and need? I've written blog after blog, chasing my answer.

#6: “Why am I doing this?”

Although ‘why’ can be interpreted as accusatory, I find it helpful. When I ask myself this question, I can examine where my energy is best spent. This is of importance to me especially because ADHD struggles with efficiency.

#7: “What can I put up with?”

Similar to #4, this question empowered me to choose, rather than play the victim in difficult situations, it continues to help me face the choices I have, who to spend my time with, and what qualities I value and which harm me.

#8: “What do I require in someone I invest time in?”

Also on the same theme as #4 and #7, the idea that I could define what I required in any type of relationship came as a complete revelation to me. Even now it seems selfish, almost like I should be “grateful” for any social interaction. However, it has empowered me to enact boundaries and seek out healthy relationships.

#9: “What is the most important quality in a partner, for me?”

Again, this question centers around my opinion being of utmost importance, as it pertains to my life. Others say gifts of flowers, chocolates, and jewelry are important, and for a time that opinion clouded my view. Now I've examined what truly is most important to me. Flowers didn't make the cut.

#10: “What is and is not important to me?”

This is another concept I had a relatively easy time answering, once I paused to ask it, and it's empowered me to be loyal to the true answers.

#11: “Why do others deserve kindness and not you?”

This question came from a dear friend and hit me like a ton of bricks. I still have no satisfactory answer, mostly because there is none, but the awareness I’ve gained has been invaluable to me.

When we ask questions, we can open a door to knowledge. Truth sets me free to build the life I need.

What questions have changed your life?

My Google Drive

A lot of us with ADHD have a love of stationery. We accumulate piles of notebooks and planners, drawers of gel pens and scented pencil crayons, and fistfuls of post-its and stickers. That blank, smooth, unblemished first page seems alive with possibilities. Maybe this time, we think to ourselves, this time is the one where I'll finally get it together.  It doesn’t help that some others are telling us to “just make a list”. All we need to do is get another organizer.

Far too often these shiny pages are filled with empty, whispered promises. We end up with a stack of books, the first handful of pages filled and the rest as blank as our hopeless stares at our chaotic lives. This happens because ADHD needs two things that so very often clash. We need structure (something we are singularly poor at providing for ourselves, but extremely adept at resisting from the world) and a system completely customized by us.

One of the ways I've created a custom system for myself is by using Google Drive, Documents, and Sheets. These provide that notebook-like space.

(Note: I've developed a habit of referencing Google Documents on a daily basis. This is not a system that would work for everyone because something based online without a reminder or alarm function would all too easily become out of sight, out of mind.)

Goal and Habit Tracking

Once the task of identifying what goals and habits a person wants to achieve is done, the next step for ADHD is to be able to maintain awareness and progress toward them. I use Google Documents to outline each step toward my goals so I can easily begin work on them as soon as I sit down at my desk. I track my habits by recording when I accomplish the habit and when I don't so I have an accurate idea of what it is I am doing, and how long it's been since I began trying to make something a habit.

Tandem Editing and Collaboration

As an avid writer I have collaborated on a number of projects in the past several years. The comment, sharing, and suggestions features of a Google Documents have enabled me to do this with complete ease. My husband has even used these functions to collaborate internationally.

Manual of Me

While training at the ADD Coach Academy to become a coach, I was taught a truly amazing strategy. Essentially it boils down to recording how you function so you don't have to reinvent the wheel each time a challenge occurs. I use Gdocs for this as well.

Wardrobe Suggestions

When I come up with an outfit I'm really proud of I always fear I will forget about it. So I've started recording either a description or a picture of the outfit in a Google Document database of my clothes. This allows me to skip the time it takes to assemble an outfit each time (which could be anywhere up to 45 minutes if I'm feeling particularly uncertain about my fashion sense).

Search

By using the “Find and Replace” feature any document turns into a searchable database of anything at all. I can instantly find out what to do if I'm feeling anxious, what outfits I've created in the past for a spring day, and what's my next step for my goal of launching my coaching business.

When something is blank, it becomes the perfect template for the ADHD brain to create what it really needs. For that other part, the structure, sometimes we need a few outside ideas. All of the above was inspired by ideas of others, then tweaked to fit me. Always search out what you need and never give up, because there are as many ideas out there as there are people to think them, times the infinity of the Internet. All we need to do is find the right one for each of us.

What do you need in your system?

ADHD and the Smartwatch

This past week I purchased a Pebble Time smartwatch for use in my business. It allows me to be notified of emails quickly so I can respond in a timely manner and have instant access to my schedule. These are the features that drew me to my first experience of wearable technology. However the more I've used it the more it is showing itself to be one of the most useful things for my ADHD I've encountered in quite a while.

There are people who look askance at anyone who uses and relies on technology heavily. Especially a young person, fearing, I assume, that it is harmful to them. Certainly modern technology has had negative impacts on people, most notably to me the disconnection instant access has caused first world societies, socially.

However, it doesn't behoove anyone to dismiss or judge how others live their lives.

While in my ADDCA coach training, the co-founder, David Giwerc, extolled the uses dictation software had and the freedom it allowed him in writing his book Permission to Proceed. He finds typing very difficult and tedious and were it not for this software, he told me and my classmates, the book would not have been written.

Similarly the reminder app Alarmed allows me to run my life and business smoothly where otherwise I would need a full-time personal assistant and/or maid. That being said, should the zombie horde rise up, my life will instantly fall to pieces. But then again, not many people need to check their email during the apocalypse so perhaps everything will even out in the end.

Another feature of the Pebble Time is the sleep and step tracking. For the first time in my life I know how far I walk in a day (and have extra encouragement to increase that distance) and how much sleep and deep sleep I get each night. Exercise and sleep are two cornerstones of ADHD management and studies have even shown that, in some cases, exercise can replace ADHD medication, without the side effects.

I've also tried the Pomodoro technique for the first time as a result of a Pebble Time app.

The absolute best ADHD management benefit though, in my opinion, is the streamlined nature of my focus. When a notification goes off on my phone, I'm tempted to open it, play a game, check Facebook, and so on. Even if I simply check email, I waste time. When a notification comes in on the watch, I can screen the importance, and avoid the temptation and distractions.

As with so many things, the key to making technology work for you is balance.