9 Ways to Flourish Through Coaching

It took me a while to remember that the coach who became the reason I pursued this path was not my first ADHD coach. I’d worked with another coach some years before, but the memory hadn’t stuck with me because I’d gained little benefit from the experience. I’ve realised this is because I approached the second coaching relationship with a completely different set of attitudes and intentions then the first. Here are some of the things I’d advise anyone who wishes to gain full benefit from coaching to do.

1. Come prepared

From the very first session, and each session after that, figure out what it is you want to work on with your coach. A great way to do this is to compile a list of topics and challenges before your first session so you have ample material that will pull you toward your goals. You can also watch for topics throughout the week, in between sessions. I found after a while I began to see exactly what I wanted out of certain topics, such as a plan or clarifying what was tripping me up in a particular area.

2. Be aware

Knowing where you are in each area of your life is awesome for getting a jump-start on changing the areas that most need attention. When you know you have a tendency to neglect your physical health, for example, it makes it easier to begin to address that challenge. There are many tools for assisting with this such as filling out a life wheel.

3. Homework

There are many names for this, such as action steps, intentions, and “help-work” which is a particularly upbeat one I learned at ADDCA. It’s essential to keep careful track of the things you plan to do between sessions. This also looks different to different people. I personally use a notebook and reminder app. Whatever way works for you, use it to remember and stay aware of the actions you and your coach figure out together.

4. Ask for what you need

In the style of coaching I was taught, it is part of the coach’s job to assist in challenging the client the correct amount so they are launched forward and do not become overwhelmed. Figure out what this looks like for you and ask your coach to partner with you in planning it. I’ve found that answering quickly when asked about challenging myself leads to overwhelm or not challenging myself enough. I now give myself permission to pause and really consider myself, the week ahead, my energy, and other factors that impact my current ability to be challenged.

5. Detailed plans

When the action steps have been decided, be as detailed as needed in order to have the highest possibility of success. Also watch out for getting caught up in the planning as a way to avoid taking the first step. This is a behavior I’ve found myself in all too often.

6. Regularly reassess

Make sure to frequently check in on the progress toward goals. This will assist with awareness if something is stuck and impeding progress. I find it helps me to simply remember goals. I have so many plates I’m spinning all at once that it’s easy for one to fall without me noticing.

7. Celebrate successes

The other thing number 6 can do is highlight victories and successes. Actively look for those, during every coaching session and in between. Celebration can be a powerful force in momentum forward. When I check on the spinning plates and find none have fallen that is definitely cause for some celebratory dancing.

8. Prioritize self care

Particularly for those of us with ADHD, no one can achieve their full potential if they are not operating at peak performance. Start with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs and figure out what you need to get all your needs met. I review my considerable list of needs frequently and am always at my happiest and most efficient when they are more consistently met.

9. Take full advantage

Any given coach may offer a range of services in addition to coaching session. Ask about these and see if any would benefit you. As a coach, as long as boundaries are respected on both sides, I am always thrilled when a client utilizes all possible benefit I can be to them.

What allowed you to gain the most from an opportunity to change?

Tetris Life

I've been playing Tetris a lot lately. It's a simple game concept that activates the logic parts of my brain. This is a great relief as I spend 90% of my life in emotion and it can be exhausting at times.

During a recent game, a thought occurred to me. Any time I begin to panic and try to force pieces into spaces they are ill suited for, disaster almost invariably follows. Open spaces pile up faster, causing my panic to surge, and soon I've lost.

The opposite is also true. When I approach the game calmly, and take the time to look for and find the best possible place for the piece, even if it doesn't solve the most pressing “problem” space, I get much further in the game.

There is also an element of trust involved. The times I get furthest in the game are when I relinquish the panic, and simply trust the piece I need will arrive long before I lose. It always does, unless I surrender to panic and try to force things.

In a way I can't support with science, I feel this is a metaphor for life. When I try and force things that don't fit well, I don't get far. When I relax, trusting that what I need will appear, and that I will be able to recognize and use it when it does, it often does happens.

I've found I sometimes need to wait much, much longer than is comfortable or than I ever planned. However, forcing something that isn't right has never resulted in happiness for me.

This does not mean there is no work involved. It takes a tremendous amount of energy, for me, to wait, to look for, and fit things in where they really work.

This metaphor also applies to coaching. My teleclass leaders all say the best work is done when the coach relaxes, lets go of the outcome, and trusts the process of coaching. When I do this, it feels just like play, and my client and I are on an exciting adventure together.

Though a simple game, a simple concept, it is by no means easy, particularly when the pieces, and life, come at us faster and faster. The choice, however, is always ours to make.*

What could you accomplish, if you relaxed?

*Footnote: Mental illnesses, such as anxiety, are the result of chemical imbalances in the brain and are no more in the control of the sufferer than a broken limb. Choice can only be achieved when brain chemistry is brought back into health and balance.

An Exploration of Need Versus Want

People often say “I need this” and that is perfectly valid. Every human being has many needs. Those needs may be difficult to define, articulate, and get met, but they exist.

Do we ever stop to question what it is we need those things to do? This is why another way I define the concept of “need”, as opposed to want, is the word “required”. In order to ski, a strong argument can be made that a person needs skis. They may want expensive skis, they may have an easier time skiing with a certain type of ski, and they may not even want to ski at all, but they definitely need skis in order to ski.

So when we say “I need this”, I would want to examine that. The examination might allow us to determine if that desire is a need or a want.

I often say “I need sleep”. That's a vague idea. What I really mean is “I need to have high quality sleep, for approximately nine hours, beginning at 10PM in order to be most productive in life.” So, logically, if I wasn't aiming to be productive, I wouldn't have this need. This need is in aid of productivity. I want to be productive because I need to financially support myself. For that goal I need to be productive enough to sustain the amount of work that allows for a supporting income.

I believe this is a lot of what coaches do. They look for the wheat germ of the goals and needs and assist in separating it from the chaff of everything else in life. In order to help determine what is a need versus a want, it can help to first know what it is you need that thing to accomplish.

What do you need?

Cooking Videos Demystifying Life

Lately I’ve been seeing quite a few cooking videos on my social media feeds. They are mesmerizing and make me itch to get into the kitchen even more often than I do - I love cooking. I’ve been wondering what it is about them that makes me so happy, other than the obvious satisfying imagery and potential for delicious meals in my future.

I came to the conclusion recently that they serve a dire need that’s been irritating my subconscious for years: the demystification of cooking for more people. In the videos, the chefs are implied to be ordinary people, they often spill ingredients, and the preparation is never “perfect”. It simply works and produces tantalizing results.

Food was never a mystery for me. At a young age my persistent and impatient hunger demanded I dive into its preparation and construction. I did see, however, that this is not how many others view cooking. Somewhat because it was made to be unattainable, something that only professionals and mothers could do.

The same can be said for many other aspects of life. When something is mysterious, it can be viewed as more difficult than it really is. I feel strongly that stripping away the mystery is one way to make life easier. This is part of what I do as a coach. I assist people to demystify their own workings so life can be made easier.

People have complimented me on my punctuality and I have been quick to demystify that, as well. My family were chronically late. It was a running joke among our friends and family, some of whom had similar habits. So when I got a job that required me to ride a bus, I either learned to be punctual, even 10-20 minutes early, or was 30-45 minutes late to my shift.

My current system includes the calendar on my smartphone, connected to my smartwatch, a daily routine of checking the calendar each morning, then setting alarms for each item on my schedule. This is what is required to make me on time. Nothing mysterious about it, except years of trial and error, a lot of education on ADHD, and iron-clad rules holding it all in place.

What mysteries remain to be dashed?

Gratitude for Discomfort

I have been incredibly lucky in my life. I am surrounded by very smart, kind, caring people, all of whom want to see me succeed and rejoice in my achievements, just as I rejoice in theirs. From birth I have received support and assistance that allowed me to live the way I chose, in the manner that best fit me.

I was spared some experiences that most ADHD individuals struggle with and suffer throughout their lives, before becoming diagnosed and treated. As a result however, at times I have doubted my diagnosis because I see those struggles in the lives of others and not in my own.

Recently, however, I was lucky enough to have experiences that proved to me that, in fact, my diagnosis is correct. I struggled with tasks that most people find simple and easy. The experiences ranged from uncomfortable to downright painful. I don't believe many people would understand crying over a business plan. People with ADHD would.

In the moment of suffering, it's hard to discover any kernel of truth or knowledge among the pain. Thinking back on it, however, I have realized how valuable these experiences have been. If I barely survived a 5 1/2 hour workshop by knitting throughout (it would take about 6 more workshops to finish my sweater) what must people like me have gone through in school 5 days a week for 12 years?

Empathy is a very powerful tool for connecting to people and gaining their trust, two essential skills for a coach. I have gained real-world knowledge that adds to my ability to empathize. For that I am grateful.

I wonder what other uncomfortable events and experiences could reveal knowledge and learning, if only I looked?

Introduction or Nice to Meet You

Hello and welcome to my blog! Since this is day one I'll start off by giving you a rough (repeat: rough) idea of who I am and what this blog will consist of.

My name is Colleen, and I am training to be a coach, specializing in ADHD. I have ADHD myself, as well as anxiety. I am a giant geek who is unabashedly passionate and enthusiastic about all my fandoms. I also co-own a small chainmaille jewelry and armour business with my husband.

This blog is going to be about a wide variety of things. Topics such as coaching, mental health/illness, ADHD, geek/fandom, writing, and life in general are all likely to pop up. I'll also be writing posts about life or ADHD challenges I've overcome and the solutions I came up with, in case they might help anyone else.

A project that will also appear here are the geek meditations I’m planning. I'll go into detail about those when the first one goes live. For now, picture your favourite movie/book/show/game/comic combined with a meditation into one epic ball of self-care, geeky madness. That's what you have to look forward to.

Please shoot me an email at greendoorlifecoaching@gmail.com if there's a specific fandom you'd like to see a meditation themed on. I'll always be looking for ideas.

Additionally, if you've got a comment on anything I post, content you'd like to see me discuss in the future, or just feel the need to tell me what you had for breakfast this morning (good for you for eating breakfast, by the way), email, comment, leave me a tweet or post on Facebook.


My website is pretty cool.