The Cost of Maturity

Ever since I first started fully embracing my geek way of life I began noticing a difference in the way we do and view things versus how some others do. One of the most pervasive differences I saw wasn't something I was able to easily put into words. It was fundamental, I knew that. I also felt that helped create my happiness and I saw it causing others pain. Still, I struggled to define it.

Then Pokémon GO was released and I finally realized what it was: maturity. A lot of the world has this strange obsession with being mature, responsible, and taking things seriously. Humour, levity, silliness are all very well, so say some, but under very strictly defined rules and guidelines for appropriateness. Making a joke or appearing “immature” at the wrong time or in the wrong place is frowned on.

This is not to say that I want to treat everything in my life as a joke, nor do I think that respecting others’ wishes about conduct is unimportant. Just because I like to play Pokémon GO does not mean I'd intentionally break a social contract to knowingly cause someone else discomfort.

That being said, who exactly is being hurt by me playing the game, or cosplaying, or watching cartoons, or acting silly, on my time, in my own space? Someone once told me my day is made too easily. I'm sure they didn't mean that as a compliment, but that's how I choose to take it. If I still take the same innocent joy in a bird or a cloud or a bad pun as I did when I was 5 years old, then that may very well be a definition of success I am satisfied with.

There is also, of course, a need in many lives for professionalism. I would not get many clients for my coaching services if I emailed them as a five-year-old. This kind of gravity is necessary for gaining the trust of someone who wishes to engage you in any kind of professional capacity. I will always maintain, however, that I would far rather work with someone who, after the initial contact and trust is gained, ends an email with a smiley rather than “sincerely”.

I don't think I'd want to force everyone in the world to begin taking things less seriously and be silly. That would be just as wrong as their judgement of me for my games and puns. However, I do wonder at the cost of such a lifestyle and thought process.

What does maturity look like to you?

How I Learned Not To Care What Other People Think

It is often said that one path to happiness is to cease to care about the opinion of others. We are told if we can shed every word, not letting any judgment of anyone else penetrate our hearts and minds, that we will be released from a heavy burden.

I do not claim to be perfect, or the best at anything, or to have found universal harmony or happiness. I have, however, learned to discount 90% of what others think and say about my life and choices. I can attest that it is incredibly freeing and disposes of a lot of useless stress.

The majority of this skill is comprised of what others think about my appearance. I've been on the heavy side my entire life (at 1 month old family, friends, and my doctor thought I was 3 months) and this used to cause me embarrassment and shame. I've never been one to follow fashion, and when that concept was explained to me in my middle teens I began to feel self-concious of my clothing as well.

The first layer was theatre. There are a lot of unique people in theatre. I was shown that they, almost to a stage-hand, did not need to have the approval of others to be happy. This overwhelming agreement on a subject built on the foundation of my homeschooling upbringing, also a social group comprised of unique individuals unconcerned with the opinion of the world.

The second layer was live action role play. Yet another group of very unique people who could not care less about the opinions of others. The group I joined gathered in a public park every Sunday and sometimes walked or bussed home in their “garb” or costumes. At first I was somewhat reluctant to fully engage in a sport which, at its basic level, is all about running around beating on each other with pool-noodle swords. I loved it though and gradually came to be a fully fledged member.

The third layer was cosplay and geek conventions. Similar to LARPing, cosplaying is dressing up in sometimes very strange and gender-reversing costumes, in public. The key to all three of these, I think, was the fact that you are in a group. Riding a bus in a costume, alone, still requires some courage on my part.

The key was years of exposure therapy and the comeraderie of people who were having the time of their lives. This has allowed me to implement many unusual things in my life that have greatly contributed to my happiness. My hair is a great example. I got some looks the first time I cut my hair an inch short, however the fact that I can spend 30 seconds on it per day and still look exactly the way I want to look is basically a miracle.

All of that being said, those close to me still have the ability to effect me with their opinions. I am not an island ‘gainst whom no entreaties may change. I am lucky enough to have an intimate circle comprised of those who truly want what is best for me and recognize that I am the best judge of that. I genuinely have no idea what I would be able to do if someone I loved was dead set against a decision I felt I needed to make.

To anyone searching for how to care less about the opinions of others, my advice is simple: act in a play, cosplay at a con, and join your nearest LARP group.

YetiCon 2016

This past weekend I spent several fun-filled hours at YetiCon, up near Collingwood, at Blue Mountain. My very high expectations were in no way disappointed. This con did everything right, in my opinion. I'm sure even Thor Odinson was impressed.

Some highlights for me include the gift of a watergun I was given for registering early, the frankly adorable mascot, the stellar location, the opportunities to avail ourselves of some of the top-quality activities at Blue Mountain, the friendly, informed, open, and just plain awesome staff. Also, this fantastic Fem!Bucky whose hair game was rocking my world.

I also got to spend time with some awesome con pals. The above shot is of Castiel (left) and Gabriel (right) from Supernatural. I made both sets of wings. It was intensely gratifying to be able to cosplay with my dear friend after so much time searching for exactly the right coat.

On Sunday I got to try out a new closet cosplay. Pictured here alongside colonial Jack Frost, I managed to pull off early Daredevil, before he gets his cool suit.

I also hosted another panel. Thanks to everyone who came out and made it (hopefully) a good experience for all involved.

The only monkey wrench in the weekend was the fact that my rear right tire went mysteriously flat during Friday night. However, with the help of one of my hotel roomies, I was able to change it for the spare. Definitely leveled up in adult-ness.

Anime North 2016

(Captain America)

There is no way to capture any Anime North weekend in one blog post. But I'll try.

This was the first con I'd ever attended as a panelist and it went better than I ever could have dreamed. My other three fellow panelists were all brilliant and erudite. My panel audience was full of fantastic stories and successes. My venue was huge and not even a little intimidating. Not at all. Nope.

(I want to say Sansa Stark. Forgive me. I only just watched season 1.)

The heat was intense and the sun was brutal. I heard stories of heatstroke and shuddered at the sight of skin-tight pleather, fur, armour, and full-face helmets. Cosplayers are warriors who daily battle the elements and their own fatigue in pursuit of their art.

(Auditore Assassin)

One of the most amusing things that happened to me this weekend was me and my hotel-room-mates' reaction to Saturday. After being at the con since 10AM, we all headed back to the room at about 5PM. We somewhat intended to return for the masquerade, but we ended up ordering pizza, playing cards, and then going to bed. We had just as much fun chilling out with con pals as we would have back at the con. Such is the life of introverts.

All around fantastically fun weekend. Special thanks to the AN staff who are a hard-working bunch of folks, to my fellow panelists (especially Abbadon who picked us up our badges), and to everyone who made my con special.

Captain Motivation!

ADHD has a hard time with procrastination and this is a relatively well known fact. What isn't as well know is why this challenge occurs. Recent research has suggested a factor might be our reward systems. This is a neurophysical term that basically means motivation. Dopamine is a neurochemical that allows the brain (ADHD or not) to sustain motivation.

The ADHD brain produces lower levels of dopamine ordinarily, however it has no trouble working on something fun, because the enjoyment is producing dopamine which allows us to focus. But take away that enjoyment, and the dopamine it produces, and it becomes significantly harder to sustain focus, sometimes to the point of a physical impossibility.

I was faced with a challenge of dopamine production this week. I am working on an extremely boring task and was flagging in attention and motivation. To make matters worse the task was also extremely mentally taxing. When my brain works harder, it requires more dopamine to function, which means the small amount of dopamine I had was being used up faster.

I had been working on the task for several days when one day I saw that Canadian Netflix had added Captain America: Winter Soldier. Marvel Cinematic Universe is one of my top fandoms and I hadn't been able to see the film when it was in theatres, so I was very excited. Due to issues of morality and technological incompetence, I do not stream or pirate media of any kind.

So I decided Captain America would be my reward for finishing my task. The prospect of being able to watch this movie provided me with the dopamine I needed to finish the task in increased mental comfort. I finished in 3 days.

What do you use to leverage your motivation?

The Art of the Geek Ninja

Here's the deal: not everyone cares about the things we love. They won't be counting down the hours until the next Star Wars movie, they don't cover their bodies, their homes, their cars, and their lives with references, and they won't necessarily want to hear about the book you were reading last night. Even if it was really good, and... No. Some people, incredible as it may seem, just don't care about that stuff.

It's sad for them, but take heart! You have recourse! You can begin your training in the stealth arts of the geek. No murder required!

The art of the geek ninja sometimes requires patience. Laying in wait for the perfect outfit that you can wear to work but more importantly is actually a perfect feminine version of your latest cosplay.

It sometimes requires bravery. That oil painting might look abstract to the casual observer, but you know it's actually an exploding time machine, painted by a mad-man.

And sometimes it requires just the right moment...

When I was married, my now husband and I knew we wanted to make the wedding our own, wanted it to reflect who we truly are. And who we truly are is a couple of geeks. The shirt I made for him to wear is part of a cosplay, my dress was a medieval pattern, he cut the cake with a lightsaber, there was a Pokemon reference in our vows, but my favourite stealth geek part of our wedding was the most subtle of all.

As our guests assembled in the church, a musically-inclined cousin played the piano. We'd given him a stately, slow piece that sounded perfect for entering a church for a wedding. Or, you know, entering a temple devoted to time in order to go back and save your kingdom from the darkness you can only fight as a child.

Every piece of music was from a game both of us had played. At the reception our gaming friends ran up to us, demanding to know where they’d heard those pieces before. And I'm certain all the non-gamers had no clue what they had been hearing.

Now, go forth, and spread your love of all things geek upon the world. But do it... Stealthily.

The Law of an Open Mind

In the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode The Game (season 5, episode 6) a very short-lived character was seen for the second and last time. Ensign Robin Lefler, played by Ashley Judd. Among her many spunky attributes is her book of personal laws. Robin’s Laws, created whenever she learns "something essential”. This concept always intrigued me, and recently I created my own set of laws.

Number 7:

“There's always a chance everything I believe is untrue and I must keep an open mind for those things to change.”

The theory behind this idea is the simple fact that there are many things in other people’s minds I wish would change. The idea that any one person is invariably correct, for one. The idea that telling others their experience is untrue or false is a helpful act, for another.

If I want to be more loving and kind than those rigid beliefs permit, I must obviously allow my own mind to remain flexible and accepting.

The Lesson of Deadpool

Chanimaille Deadpool.

The entity known as Deadpool (real name: Ryan Reynolds) has something the world can learn from. So sit down, and let me tell you a thing.

Be you. Forget the rest.

Deadpool: in theatres Feb. 12th 2016 (Rated R)

Tri-Con 2016

What. A. Weekend!

It's been months since my last geek con and I was so happy to be back among my people at Tri-Con in Kitchener/Waterloo, hosted by THEMUSEUM. I saw friends I see a couple times a year, made new friends, and got to try out some new cosplay.

First new cosplay in a long time was Mary Margaret/Snow White from Once Upon A Time. It was very gratifying to see people's reactions to it. I was told it looked very accurate.

Star Wars was a large part of the con. Where else can you see an Ewok hanging out with R2-D2, in real life?!

I was super excited to cosplay with my sister. We were Tadashi and Hiro Hamada from Big Hero 6. 

The Doctor would be appalled... I managed to grab a shot of a Dalek wearing the Fourth Doctor's scarf. This version is metal, made of chainmaille. It took me 19 hours.

My all-time favourite cosplay to wear was captured brilliantly by Very Frank Pictures. The quizzical Castiel, from Supernatural.

All in all, I had an amazing time. Be sure to check out Tri-Con next year!

Five Reasons You Want an ADHD Brain on Your Zombie Apocalypse Team (Part 1)

First installment of a 4 part series. Part 2 is here.

Disclaimer: Not every person with ADHD will have any or all of these. Displaying anything on this list doesn’t mean a person has ADHD. The things on this list aren’t unique to ADHD.

1. Built in alarm system

ADHD as a whole takes in a ton of information at all times. That’s why we can be prone to be Highly Sensitive Persons. This also means we will be the first to notice the footsteps of the approaching dead. In addition, our physical hyperactivity means we make fantastic perimeter guards. Just make sure to leave us with a buddy or we might get bored and wander off.

2. So. Incredibly. Useful.

Because boredom is our worst enemy, it’s likely we will continuously make ourselves useful around camp. We tend to be jacks of all trades and have random bits of knowledge and skills, at least some of which will have to come in handy during the apocalypse.

3. Intuition is off the charts

We will just know when something is off. Maybe the fauna around the camp stopped making noise, maybe one of our team is acting slightly off, maybe that water isn’t safe to drink. All these things will be evident to us without any explanation. Trust these random flashes of intuition, they might just save your life.

4. Fantastic in a crisis

The zombie apocalypse is just one crisis after another. This is good news for an ADHD brain which thrives under the instant adrenaline rush caused by a sudden emergency. We react and jump into action before other types of brains have even realized something is going down.

5. The nerd factor

Interest in a subject is key to ADHD success so when the end of times arrives, grab your nearest zombie apocalypse nerd with ADHD. They will be an expert in all things zombie and survival and remember everything they learned with perfect clarity.

Introduction or Nice to Meet You

Hello and welcome to my blog! Since this is day one I'll start off by giving you a rough (repeat: rough) idea of who I am and what this blog will consist of.

My name is Colleen, and I am training to be a coach, specializing in ADHD. I have ADHD myself, as well as anxiety. I am a giant geek who is unabashedly passionate and enthusiastic about all my fandoms. I also co-own a small chainmaille jewelry and armour business with my husband.

This blog is going to be about a wide variety of things. Topics such as coaching, mental health/illness, ADHD, geek/fandom, writing, and life in general are all likely to pop up. I'll also be writing posts about life or ADHD challenges I've overcome and the solutions I came up with, in case they might help anyone else.

A project that will also appear here are the geek meditations I’m planning. I'll go into detail about those when the first one goes live. For now, picture your favourite movie/book/show/game/comic combined with a meditation into one epic ball of self-care, geeky madness. That's what you have to look forward to.

Please shoot me an email at greendoorlifecoaching@gmail.com if there's a specific fandom you'd like to see a meditation themed on. I'll always be looking for ideas.

Additionally, if you've got a comment on anything I post, content you'd like to see me discuss in the future, or just feel the need to tell me what you had for breakfast this morning (good for you for eating breakfast, by the way), email, comment, leave me a tweet or post on Facebook.


My website is pretty cool.