The Double Agent of ADHD

The very first thing a lot of people learn about ADHD, even if they remain fixed on fiction of “just boys with ants in their pants”, is the short attention span. This is of course more complex than even the name Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder suggests, but the simple fact that there are very few and specific things someone with ADHD can easily focus their long-term attention on is very real and very impactful. It can be our saving grace or, much more often, our downfall.

The word “routine”, noun, means ‘a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program’. In other words a bunch of things, sometimes that you have to do, repeated over and over again. When applied to ADHD, this can trigger multiple symptoms, such as difficulty with transition, resistance to repetition, simple boredom, memory problems, time blindness, difficulty with decision making, difficulty creating and maintaining structure for oneself, and the idea that creative people must live in chaos or betray their artistic soul. The idea of embracing something so downright painful is incredibly hard for the ADHD brain to comprehend.

To me, as a person with lifelong ADHD, routine seemed to be something that happened to other people. I didn’t even have school to give my life structure until I started training as an ADHD coach. After my diagnosis, I began slowly scooping my life into a more comfortable and workable shape. Many things began to emerge that stood the test of time as being very helpful to me. But when I tried to get every one of them done in a day, I would get distracted between each item, and a list I assumed would take others less than an hour took me half or three quarters of the day.

Over years I tried to tweak, alter, and change things until I now have what I proudly call a morning and evening “routine”. It is a list of things that all, in one way or another, form the foundation of my life. They allow me to accomplish everything from maintaining friendships, to housework, to the two businesses I run, to assisting family in times of crisis and celebrating with them in times of joy. I cannot overstate how essential they are to me.

An excellent example is something that happened just this week. Even though I’ve been working on myself and my life since my diagnosis almost 8 years ago, a real, solid, regularly followed routine is a relatively new thing, at least in its current, and historically most useful, iteration. I woke up feeling very low and because, for ADHD, emotion is reality, it was very hard for me to imagine that anything could help lift me. I knew, however, that my morning routine was very beneficial to me, so I started it.

Throughout the process, which takes me between an hour and 90 minutes, I realized my mood turned completely around. I felt content, happy, even energetic. I attribute this to the comforting nature of the familiar flow of tasks, the knowledge that I was accomplishing something important, and the soothing transition ritual and dopamine creation strategy I have in place.

In order to circumvent the list of symptoms of ADHD I’ve listed above that interfere with my ability to accomplish daily routines, I have four major ‘fierce systems’ in place:

The first is headphones playing something I really like (Netflix, YouTube, music, or podcast) to keep my interest focused, allow for easier transition between tasks, and production of low-level dopamine. The second is an agreement I’ve come to with my family that if they see me with both headphones in my ears, they are to refrain from talking to me so I don’t become distracted from my routine. The third is a stopwatch I use for recording how long the routine takes me every morning. This is like a game, or a race against myself, seeing how efficient I can be, and helps produce more dopamine. The final system is, of course, that each routine (every day of the week has slightly different tasks) is recorded as a list in a phone reminder.

This is what I have to do in order to keep my life running smoothly, with the double agent that is routine, in an ADHD brain. When I imagine how other people, who have brains untroubled by these things, glide smoothly through their lives, without a second or even first thought to structure, routine, or dopamine, I have to admit to feeling jealous. That being said, I have proven to myself that I can overcome challenges of neurobiology and work with the very nature of who I am. All, I might add, without the benefit of medication or coffee. That is something of which I am very proud.

What role does routine play in your life?

ADHD in Fiction Case Study: Tony Stark

The characters in works of fiction don’t just leap onto the page from a void. Every artist who creates memorable characters draws from their life experiences. Traits, mannerisms, and expressions the creator has seen, come to life in the creation.

There’s no such person as Tony Stark and there’s no such thing as the Iron Man suit, in real life. If there were, though, I’d bet you dollars to donuts he could be diagnosed with ADHD. Not that he'd be likely to seek out professional help.

I watched all three Iron Man films, as well as The Avengers, over the weekend, in preparation for seeing Captain America: Civil War today. The following are my observations of behaviours consistent with my experience of ADHD, present in Tony Stark. Some of them are “official” signs and symptoms, and others are known as “soft signs” or patterns those in the mental health professions have identified, but can't quantify scientifically.

One of the most noticeable things to me about the Iron Man films is the chaotic nature of the dialogue. Most movies have actors speaking in a very clean way, almost never interrupting each other or talking over one another. This is very unlike real life where people continually collide verbally. Not so in films starring Iron Man. Tony habitually talks over other characters, interrupting and cutting them off.

No doubts about Tony’s reputation for thrill-seeking and risk taking. He drives powerful cars very fast, his suits are the ultimate expression of man’s desire for flight, and in the first movie he demonstrates a missile presumably in a war-zone.

In his early life there are multiple examples of his promiscuity. Monogamy is a challenge for him after a lifestyle of constantly new and exciting partners.

His memory is very good, until it comes to boring things, like his assistant’s birthday or her allergy to strawberries.

Several on-screen events and implications lead me to believe Tony has never once been on time for anything. It’s a good thing his wealth allows him the freedom never to have to miss a flight.

On the other hand if someone else is late or even a fraction of a second behind him, they are suddenly very irritating. He does not wait for anything he doesn’t have to. Which is linked to impulsivity, shown in his disregard for diagnostics of equipment, safety checks, and his extremely impulsive statement at the end of the first movie: “I am Iron Man.”

However Tony Stark is undeniably charming, charismatic, and a natural leader. Despite all the aforementioned traits, women flock to him, and his friends remain loyal. Pepper Potts seems to be the only person able to bring Tony to heel.

When working in his shop, the world disappears. He becomes oblivious to everyone and everything, lost in the science and mechanics that are his true passion. In the world of ADHD we call that “hyper-focus”. It’s probably physically painful when someone interrupts this intense focus.

Though oblivious to a lot of things, when an issue of injustice becomes apparent to him, Tony reacts strongly toward correcting it. He takes risks and defies traditions in order to set right what was wrong.

Tony is shown drinking heavily in several scenes and in the comic books he develops a severe drinking problem. It may even be argued that he is also addicted to adrenaline.

Underneath his devil-may-care attitude, he is a very emotional person. His feelings are real, and deep, even if he lacks the capacity to express himself or show that he cares through action.

“I don’t like being handed things” is a phrase he repeats often and is likely a mechanism to avoid responsibility that will overwhelm him and that he believes he will eventually fail to live up to.

Any location Tony Stark has been working is invariably a chaotic and messy place. It’s likely he knows where every piece of equipment is at any given time, but to any other brain the space looks overcrowded and unlivable.

Despite the chaos he creates, all environments must be completely within his control. The comforts of his wealthy lifestyle must be immediately to hand at all times. Even to the point of bringing a fully-automatic drinks cabinet to the Middle East.

To many, his high profile public image may speak to an unhealthy need for attention. From an ADHD perspective, all that notoriety struggles to fill a deep-seated need for validation, one that may never be truly filled.

A classic ADHD trait Tony often exhibits is distractibility. The smallest thing can catch and hold his attention away from more “important” matters. However, importance takes a backseat to interest every time, for the ADHD brain.

When something does catch his interest though, his attention is hooked, as mentioned before. He is prolific in his area of interest, working 72 hours without sleep. It's also worth noting that Tony carves out his own operating systems to suit himself. ADHD rarely finds a ready-made system that works for them; we tend to make our own.

When a problem presents itself, Tony is a creative, outside-the-box thinker. You need to be if you intend to save 13 people falling from a plane when you can only carry 4. He was even compared to Da Vinci who some have speculated probably had ADHD himself. “Following’s not really my style.”

Although it may not seem like it, I believe Tony has a strong sense of empathy for the emotions and pain of others. He puts up a sarcastic mask for most of the world, thereby protecting himself from the inevitable pain of emotional connection.

He is a Maverick in the truest sense of the term. He finds delight in defying authority and fun in recklessness. He lives by his own rules. “I have a plan: attack.”

His mouth and mind work twice as fast as most of those around him. He's smart, but also a smart-mouth and undoubtedly the class clown as a child. “Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

He can be very observant, spotting a helicarrier crew member playing a computer game on the bridge of over two dozen people.

Even Pepper Potts is a sign of Tony’s ADHD. Starting out as the assistant who handled all the day-to-day duties too boring for the man himself to attend to, she then became the organized partner who assists the ADHD individual to thrive, unburdened by the tasks their brain can't handle.

Tony remarked once that he has a “laundry list of character defects” and so might these appear to the untrained eye. However, looking through a lens of ADHD, it all becomes clear to me. I empathize with almost every one of these so-called “defects”. Knowledge is the key to eliminating stigma.