Spotlight on app: Overdrive

My mother is a great reader and always has been. I've always admired that about her. She taught me a love of words that I tried hard to live up to. I found over and over again, however, that I left books unfinished. That or sped through them in a week, though this was far less frequent. It seemed as though if I wasn't totally in love with a narrative I was unable to finish the book. I reread books I already knew well but this never seemed “good enough” to me. I “should” be able to read book after book, just like Mom.

Then, one day, I shrugged to myself and more or less accepted that this would be the way things were. I wasn't a true reader and that was that. None of us can force ourselves to do things that are against our true natures, I thought to myself. No shame in that.

Recently my mom and sister had been talking about this app, Overdrive. It gives you access to your local library’s collection of ebooks and audiobooks. You borrow them, just like the physical library, and download the audio or text to the app so you have access to them anywhere, even offline.

I downloaded the app thinking I'd use it primarily for audiobooks, possibly for authors I already knew but didn't own a full collection. Boy was I surprised. The app has turned my reading life around. I now have the ability to read whenever and wherever I want to, in those odd in between moments in life when my ADHD gets bored waiting for anything for even a few minutes. I've come to love long lines because that means I get to read and I don't have to worry about the book being damaged as I drag it around with me.

I also discovered something else about myself and another prejudicial thought I was holding about myself. I always felt, though I didn't realize it until recently, that reading a book because you liked the movie was “cheating”. If I really liked a book, I told myself, I “should” be able to enjoy it alone, without the movie. The thing I neglected to take into consideration was the fact that I am very visual, but I have a difficult time with my mind’s eye and imagination. So when I read, others see the Lonely Mountain, Hogwarts Castle, the house with its green gables, but I struggle to see blurs. If I've seen the movie a book is based on, I can then call those images to mind as I read, giving me that visual experience.

If we allow judgments of ourselves to stand, we cut ourselves off from experiences. I strive everyday to tear down those judgments. Self forgiveness will very likely make forgiving others easier as well. Who cares if that person “only” reads comic books? Or doesn't read at all? Or only reads classics? Those judgments only harm.

What is your reading style?

My Google Drive

A lot of us with ADHD have a love of stationery. We accumulate piles of notebooks and planners, drawers of gel pens and scented pencil crayons, and fistfuls of post-its and stickers. That blank, smooth, unblemished first page seems alive with possibilities. Maybe this time, we think to ourselves, this time is the one where I'll finally get it together.  It doesn’t help that some others are telling us to “just make a list”. All we need to do is get another organizer.

Far too often these shiny pages are filled with empty, whispered promises. We end up with a stack of books, the first handful of pages filled and the rest as blank as our hopeless stares at our chaotic lives. This happens because ADHD needs two things that so very often clash. We need structure (something we are singularly poor at providing for ourselves, but extremely adept at resisting from the world) and a system completely customized by us.

One of the ways I've created a custom system for myself is by using Google Drive, Documents, and Sheets. These provide that notebook-like space.

(Note: I've developed a habit of referencing Google Documents on a daily basis. This is not a system that would work for everyone because something based online without a reminder or alarm function would all too easily become out of sight, out of mind.)

Goal and Habit Tracking

Once the task of identifying what goals and habits a person wants to achieve is done, the next step for ADHD is to be able to maintain awareness and progress toward them. I use Google Documents to outline each step toward my goals so I can easily begin work on them as soon as I sit down at my desk. I track my habits by recording when I accomplish the habit and when I don't so I have an accurate idea of what it is I am doing, and how long it's been since I began trying to make something a habit.

Tandem Editing and Collaboration

As an avid writer I have collaborated on a number of projects in the past several years. The comment, sharing, and suggestions features of a Google Documents have enabled me to do this with complete ease. My husband has even used these functions to collaborate internationally.

Manual of Me

While training at the ADD Coach Academy to become a coach, I was taught a truly amazing strategy. Essentially it boils down to recording how you function so you don't have to reinvent the wheel each time a challenge occurs. I use Gdocs for this as well.

Wardrobe Suggestions

When I come up with an outfit I'm really proud of I always fear I will forget about it. So I've started recording either a description or a picture of the outfit in a Google Document database of my clothes. This allows me to skip the time it takes to assemble an outfit each time (which could be anywhere up to 45 minutes if I'm feeling particularly uncertain about my fashion sense).

Search

By using the “Find and Replace” feature any document turns into a searchable database of anything at all. I can instantly find out what to do if I'm feeling anxious, what outfits I've created in the past for a spring day, and what's my next step for my goal of launching my coaching business.

When something is blank, it becomes the perfect template for the ADHD brain to create what it really needs. For that other part, the structure, sometimes we need a few outside ideas. All of the above was inspired by ideas of others, then tweaked to fit me. Always search out what you need and never give up, because there are as many ideas out there as there are people to think them, times the infinity of the Internet. All we need to do is find the right one for each of us.

What do you need in your system?

Harnessing the Shiny

When I was first diagnosed with ADHD one of the things that struck me most forcefully was the concept of choosing new and “shiny” projects. I'd always felt this was something of a character flaw of mine, that if I has real persistence, I'd be able to work on anything, happily. The truth, that the neurochemical dopamine is necessary for anyone to maintain concentration, and it is a challenge to produce or maintain in the ADHD brain, has been something of a comfort and an explanation for me.

The downside being that I was now aware that jumping into a new “shiny” project at the expense of an old, boring one, was sometimes detrimental to me. So, naturally, because I have a very hard time with the cognitive distortion “Black and White thinking”, I decided that this was completely a bad thing. Whenever I decide to go to extremes, the results are never very favourable.

I was talking to a friend a few months ago and we realized we both do this. We decide that because something is fun, we must avoid it in favour of “real work”. Unfortunately the topic at hand was cleaning, which is a very necessary thing!

The trick, as with so many, many things, is to create balance. It doesn't help to continually jump at new things, perpetually abandoning the older, important work. Neither does it do to ignore the treasure-trove of dopamine that comes with jumping at the new project. When something catches our interest, the ADHD brain is able to produce a lot of dopamine, which allows us not only to work at a task, but allows us to work remarkably fast and long. So if we pause, figure out if it is currently appropriate to dive into this new thing, and go ahead if the answer is ‘yes’, time might be saved because of how quickly the work goes.

Another thing I like to do is if that isn't currently possible, just do a small amount of prep or research. This allows me to use the resulting dopamine on my other, more boring project. It also allows me to eliminate projects that just seemed good at the time but those I never go back to after the first initial rush of excitement.

Balance. It is difficult for anyone to attain. With ADHD it is even harder. The longer I strive for it, the more strategies I create and discover. Each time I discover a new strategy, I realize anew that ADHD is truly one of the most treatable of disorders. Everything seems so obvious once explained.

What projects excite you?

The Cost of Maturity

Ever since I first started fully embracing my geek way of life I began noticing a difference in the way we do and view things versus how some others do. One of the most pervasive differences I saw wasn't something I was able to easily put into words. It was fundamental, I knew that. I also felt that helped create my happiness and I saw it causing others pain. Still, I struggled to define it.

Then Pokémon GO was released and I finally realized what it was: maturity. A lot of the world has this strange obsession with being mature, responsible, and taking things seriously. Humour, levity, silliness are all very well, so say some, but under very strictly defined rules and guidelines for appropriateness. Making a joke or appearing “immature” at the wrong time or in the wrong place is frowned on.

This is not to say that I want to treat everything in my life as a joke, nor do I think that respecting others’ wishes about conduct is unimportant. Just because I like to play Pokémon GO does not mean I'd intentionally break a social contract to knowingly cause someone else discomfort.

That being said, who exactly is being hurt by me playing the game, or cosplaying, or watching cartoons, or acting silly, on my time, in my own space? Someone once told me my day is made too easily. I'm sure they didn't mean that as a compliment, but that's how I choose to take it. If I still take the same innocent joy in a bird or a cloud or a bad pun as I did when I was 5 years old, then that may very well be a definition of success I am satisfied with.

There is also, of course, a need in many lives for professionalism. I would not get many clients for my coaching services if I emailed them as a five-year-old. This kind of gravity is necessary for gaining the trust of someone who wishes to engage you in any kind of professional capacity. I will always maintain, however, that I would far rather work with someone who, after the initial contact and trust is gained, ends an email with a smiley rather than “sincerely”.

I don't think I'd want to force everyone in the world to begin taking things less seriously and be silly. That would be just as wrong as their judgement of me for my games and puns. However, I do wonder at the cost of such a lifestyle and thought process.

What does maturity look like to you?

A Relationship with Oneself

The word “relationship” has come to mean romantic connections in our culture, generally speaking. We do, however, have many other types of relationships. Family, friends, colleagues, classmates, all different, all varied in their management.

There is one relationship type that I fear we forget, and, if we do remember, neglect. That is the relationship with yourself. Olivia Penpraze said “Remember yourself as a little girl, she is counting on you to protect her.” How many of us give thought or effort to this protection and care?

Many people have “best friends”, people they confide in, rely on for advice, and in whom they have implicit trust. We treat our best friends very well and with a great deal of kindness. We encourage them, help them see their strengths and not dwell on their weaknesses. What contrast might we find if we compare our compassion toward that beloved person and toward ourselves?

An important element in any kind of relationship is trust. Anyone with ADHD can tell you it's very difficult to trust yourself when you are constantly doing things you know aren't helpful or even things you are unable to explain. So how can there be trust in that relationship?

Rewards are another stumbling block. If we promise ourselves a reward for some task and don't deliver it right away, or worse don't deliver it at all, the promise of reward ceases to be at all effective because there is no trust.

It takes time, but it is possible to regain this trust in ourselves. I believe the shape of what will garner this trust will look different for every person. The basic idea to regain trust is to promise something and then, no matter what happens, deliver it. At first, of course, the distrust will remain. Over time, however, the brain can learn that change is, in fact, occurring. What we promise does come to pass.

I wrote a blog post about motivating myself with a movie. The update on that experiment is that I entirely failed to reward myself with the movie. I lost faith in myself through that. This would not have happened if I had watched the movie. It seems a small price to pay.

Nothing is perfect, obviously, and of course sometimes life will prevent us from following through on things. The idea is to be as consistent as possible, and not give into the inner-nay-sayer and decide, after the fact, that we don't actually deserve that reward after all.

How is your relationship with yourself?

Why I Gave Up Advice

Any time we have a problem there are always scads of people lining up to give us advice on how to solve it. Even if we didn't ask, even if we don't even really agree we have a problem, even if we are really quite happy, thank you very much, and really do not understand what the supposed problem is. Nevertheless, there is no shortage of advice.

When I went through ADHD coach training, I came to realize just how useless this practice really is. I know from personal experience that this unsolicited advice can range from mildly irritating to downright harmful, in certain instances.

I believe one reason it is so pointless is that any one of us cannot possibly fully grasp the experience of another. However well we know that other person, there is no way we can completely know what is in their head and heart. Therefore, any solution we come up with for their problem has a random chance of being useful because it came out of our own experience, not theirs.

In coaching, I strive to assist in clarifying, as fully as possible, all the facets and features of any given challenge. This can allow the person facing the challenge to create their own solution, making it as unique as they are. And this solution is almost always far more effective than any suggestion of anyone else’s (even mine) because it originated in the person who truly knows best.

An exception, naturally, is the topic of ADHD and its various symptoms. When it comes to working with our ADHD, a lot of us feel helpless and struggling in vain to find anything that will work. In these instances seeking the advice of a book on ADHD, a resource website such as TotallyADD.com, or a trained ADHD coach can be very valuable. However even these proffered strategies will increase in value once they are tailored and tweaked to fit the unique ADHD life.

So this is why I decided I would cease giving unsolicited advice, to anyone, not just my clients. I was wasting my breath and possibly annoying the person I intended to help.

And then a very unexpected thing happened. As soon as I made this promise to myself, friends and family started asking for my advice on specific topics. It was like the universe was having a great chuckle at my expense. And what can you really do at that point? So I laughed along.

One person asked me how I personally handle a specific situation, and I said “Do you mean in a practical sense or an emotional sense?” They told me that question was far more valuable than any of the advice that followed because it helped them explore their own conundrum further. Also the question beginning “How do you handle...” is particularly good for advice because it allows the other to simply consider and learn without there being any implication that it will definitely be helpful or relevant.

Then of course there are those verbal processors. What we need more than anything when facing a challenge is the time to get our thoughts from inside our brains, out our mouths, and to the world. Matt Smith’s Doctor Who once said “I don't know what the plan is yet; I haven't stopped talking.”

What advice do you give?

App Spotlight: The Rock Clock

I have quite a wide variety of interests, I always have. I know a fair amount about several subjects you might not expect. I must say, however, that wrestling was never an interest of mine. So if someone mentioned Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, I would only have known him from his acting career.

More recently, a client put me onto a very unique alarm app. The concept seemed super cool and only grew more interesting as I investigated it further. At its core The Rock Clock (iOS or Android) is an alarm or wake-up app. It has several tones to “wake my @$$ up”, including my personal favourite “THE ROAR”. It begins with the noise of a crowd, then a chant of “Get up! Get up! Get up!” Highly motivating even though I’m not a pro wrestler trying to stand up from the mat.

It also incorporates goal awareness. You enter your current goal and the app keeps it in your face as you use it. When you mark the goal as completed you hear Dwayne say “Great job.” and a message appears: “PROJECT CRUSHED”.

My favourite part of the app is the fact that it is part of a bigger project by The Rock. The example goals on the app show that not everyone's goals are fitness related. ‘Learn a new language’ and ‘Finish screenplay’ are there alongside ‘Gain a pound of muscle’.

When I visited www.projectrockofficial.com I was even more impressed. Clearly Dwayne Johnson has untold depths of character and a desire to help his fellow man I never would have discovered if I hadn't looked further than his wrestling career or celebrity status.

So now I have a new goal: challenge every assumption I have about everything. And thanks to The Rock, I am one step closer to achieving it.