6 Challenges of the Changing Seasons for ADHD (and 3 Steps to Overcome Them)

When it comes to the ways that ADHD affects people’s lives, there are so many parts missing from public knowledge. One of the ways not widely known has to do with changing seasons, particularly when temperatures change and when we move from leisure to work. With the fall comes a plethora of stumbling blocks. Of course many of these are more extreme the further north you go, but any change can throw our unique brain wiring for a loop.

1. Change in Routine

Moving from summer vacation or a summer job back to school, or from a relaxed routine to a more inflexible one can cause overwhelm for anyone. For ADHD, of course, it can be devastating. We are so resistant and resentful of routine and structure that the demands of a new season can impact us hugely.

2. Different Clothing

Where are the hats and coats? Do your boots still fit? Why is this sweater so itchy? From the practical challenge of finding and organizing the clothing needed for cooler weather to the issues of sensory sensitivity, fall can be rife with pitfalls to do with all those extra layers. To say nothing of the extra time it takes to dress, exponentially increased with more and younger children.

3. Sickness

To make matters worse, sickness of varying degrees and types increase when the weather gets cooler. This is just one more thing on our minds, whether trying to avoid catching something or having to perform regular (and already challenging) daily tasks while not feeling well.

4. Light Levels

Depending on where you are on the planet, changing seasons can cause light levels to change at different times. Here in northern North America we are having our sunlight decrease. That, in addition to cloudy days and more clothing, decreases our exposure to the sun and vitamin D. This can cause or exacerbate all kinds of problems.

5. Sitting Around Inside

When temperatures drop it becomes harder to get the exercise that can help everyone and ADHD in particular. All the challenges I’ve already mentioned can contribute to this.

6. Gearing Up for Holidays

In this last third of the calendar year we are faced with many holidays, depending on what we celebrate. Remembering what is needed for each event or even remembering what days affect businesses, if we don’t celebrate them, can be incredibly challenging.

So what can we do in the face of all these things? Not every strategy will work for every person. That being said, I have found the following to be generally helpful principles.

Unable to find the artist for this gorgeous graphic of Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

Step 1: Back to Basics

Consider Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. When things get overwhelming or fall apart, start at the bottom of the pyramid (food, sleep, hydration) and work your way up. Nobody can perform tasks at their best if they are lacking basic human needs.

Step 2: Importance

When we are considering the demands of an ADHD life, something that stumps us time and again are decisions and prioritization. Not knowing what is top priority can sink us into a miasma of paralysis and despair. Find a way to prioritize the things needing to get done. Do whatever you need to in order to accomplish this. Use a friend as a body double and bounce ideas off them, talk to a counselor or a coach, use an app that works for you.

Step 3: Everything Else

Whatever is leftover from steps 1 and 2 that is still tripping you up, form into a question. For example, if the problem is a particularly picky eater in the family making mealtime stressful and time consuming, the question could be “How can I feed a picky eater nutritiously?” If you suspect the challenge is related to ADHD, try and include that somewhere in the question as solutions for ADHD challenges often look very different to those of different brain types. Google the question with a notebook handy and jot down any and all ideas and information pertinent to your situation. The idea is that nobody can tell you how to fix your problem because they cannot know all the details. So googling the problem and seeing how others handled it can help spark ideas that will help. Always try and keep an open mind. If the results run out of useful information, try rewording the question.

Remember: No one is alone. Every day there are people going through similar problems. By sharing our ideas we generate hope.

What unique challenges do you face as the seasons change?

Why I Gave Up Advice

Any time we have a problem there are always scads of people lining up to give us advice on how to solve it. Even if we didn't ask, even if we don't even really agree we have a problem, even if we are really quite happy, thank you very much, and really do not understand what the supposed problem is. Nevertheless, there is no shortage of advice.

When I went through ADHD coach training, I came to realize just how useless this practice really is. I know from personal experience that this unsolicited advice can range from mildly irritating to downright harmful, in certain instances.

I believe one reason it is so pointless is that any one of us cannot possibly fully grasp the experience of another. However well we know that other person, there is no way we can completely know what is in their head and heart. Therefore, any solution we come up with for their problem has a random chance of being useful because it came out of our own experience, not theirs.

In coaching, I strive to assist in clarifying, as fully as possible, all the facets and features of any given challenge. This can allow the person facing the challenge to create their own solution, making it as unique as they are. And this solution is almost always far more effective than any suggestion of anyone else’s (even mine) because it originated in the person who truly knows best.

An exception, naturally, is the topic of ADHD and its various symptoms. When it comes to working with our ADHD, a lot of us feel helpless and struggling in vain to find anything that will work. In these instances seeking the advice of a book on ADHD, a resource website such as TotallyADD.com, or a trained ADHD coach can be very valuable. However even these proffered strategies will increase in value once they are tailored and tweaked to fit the unique ADHD life.

So this is why I decided I would cease giving unsolicited advice, to anyone, not just my clients. I was wasting my breath and possibly annoying the person I intended to help.

And then a very unexpected thing happened. As soon as I made this promise to myself, friends and family started asking for my advice on specific topics. It was like the universe was having a great chuckle at my expense. And what can you really do at that point? So I laughed along.

One person asked me how I personally handle a specific situation, and I said “Do you mean in a practical sense or an emotional sense?” They told me that question was far more valuable than any of the advice that followed because it helped them explore their own conundrum further. Also the question beginning “How do you handle...” is particularly good for advice because it allows the other to simply consider and learn without there being any implication that it will definitely be helpful or relevant.

Then of course there are those verbal processors. What we need more than anything when facing a challenge is the time to get our thoughts from inside our brains, out our mouths, and to the world. Matt Smith’s Doctor Who once said “I don't know what the plan is yet; I haven't stopped talking.”

What advice do you give?

The Double Agent of ADHD

The very first thing a lot of people learn about ADHD, even if they remain fixed on fiction of “just boys with ants in their pants”, is the short attention span. This is of course more complex than even the name Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder suggests, but the simple fact that there are very few and specific things someone with ADHD can easily focus their long-term attention on is very real and very impactful. It can be our saving grace or, much more often, our downfall.

The word “routine”, noun, means ‘a sequence of actions regularly followed; a fixed program’. In other words a bunch of things, sometimes that you have to do, repeated over and over again. When applied to ADHD, this can trigger multiple symptoms, such as difficulty with transition, resistance to repetition, simple boredom, memory problems, time blindness, difficulty with decision making, difficulty creating and maintaining structure for oneself, and the idea that creative people must live in chaos or betray their artistic soul. The idea of embracing something so downright painful is incredibly hard for the ADHD brain to comprehend.

To me, as a person with lifelong ADHD, routine seemed to be something that happened to other people. I didn’t even have school to give my life structure until I started training as an ADHD coach. After my diagnosis, I began slowly scooping my life into a more comfortable and workable shape. Many things began to emerge that stood the test of time as being very helpful to me. But when I tried to get every one of them done in a day, I would get distracted between each item, and a list I assumed would take others less than an hour took me half or three quarters of the day.

Over years I tried to tweak, alter, and change things until I now have what I proudly call a morning and evening “routine”. It is a list of things that all, in one way or another, form the foundation of my life. They allow me to accomplish everything from maintaining friendships, to housework, to the two businesses I run, to assisting family in times of crisis and celebrating with them in times of joy. I cannot overstate how essential they are to me.

An excellent example is something that happened just this week. Even though I’ve been working on myself and my life since my diagnosis almost 8 years ago, a real, solid, regularly followed routine is a relatively new thing, at least in its current, and historically most useful, iteration. I woke up feeling very low and because, for ADHD, emotion is reality, it was very hard for me to imagine that anything could help lift me. I knew, however, that my morning routine was very beneficial to me, so I started it.

Throughout the process, which takes me between an hour and 90 minutes, I realized my mood turned completely around. I felt content, happy, even energetic. I attribute this to the comforting nature of the familiar flow of tasks, the knowledge that I was accomplishing something important, and the soothing transition ritual and dopamine creation strategy I have in place.

In order to circumvent the list of symptoms of ADHD I’ve listed above that interfere with my ability to accomplish daily routines, I have four major ‘fierce systems’ in place:

The first is headphones playing something I really like (Netflix, YouTube, music, or podcast) to keep my interest focused, allow for easier transition between tasks, and production of low-level dopamine. The second is an agreement I’ve come to with my family that if they see me with both headphones in my ears, they are to refrain from talking to me so I don’t become distracted from my routine. The third is a stopwatch I use for recording how long the routine takes me every morning. This is like a game, or a race against myself, seeing how efficient I can be, and helps produce more dopamine. The final system is, of course, that each routine (every day of the week has slightly different tasks) is recorded as a list in a phone reminder.

This is what I have to do in order to keep my life running smoothly, with the double agent that is routine, in an ADHD brain. When I imagine how other people, who have brains untroubled by these things, glide smoothly through their lives, without a second or even first thought to structure, routine, or dopamine, I have to admit to feeling jealous. That being said, I have proven to myself that I can overcome challenges of neurobiology and work with the very nature of who I am. All, I might add, without the benefit of medication or coffee. That is something of which I am very proud.

What role does routine play in your life?

Relatable ADHD

First of a two-part series.

There are many people who claim that the mental condition known as Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder does not exist. I do not argue with these people because it is seldom useful to do so. Instead I try and find some common ground with them.

A phenomenon I find fascinating that was brought about (I’m assuming) by the internet, is known as “TFW” which is an acronym standing for “that feeling when”. It is followed by some event or experience that the person hopes others share. Another title is “so relatable”. I say it is likely the advent of the internet that brought this into existence because I don’t know if people shared things like this before Facebook and Twitter. At least not as widely.

I’ve seen many posts along these lines and empathized with a lot of them. None so much as the ones I share below which I associate with my ADHD brain. It doesn’t really matter, in the end, if it is ADHD or not. If one were to view it in that light, however, one might gain insight into the prevalence of individuals currently struggling with symptoms ADHD treatment is designed to ease.

A lot of people with ADHD have this stubborn streak about them. Combined with a need to have everything they do be their own idea, and never, ever follow The Instructions, you end up with this post. As far as I know, it is not properly understood why this happens, but just try and tell someone with ADHD what to do and let me know how it goes.

Being proactive is a good way to combat this. Asking what they need to do before it is asked of them. When the ADHD brain feels in control, like it was their idea, they can avoid this feeling.

This post also mentions the phenomenon of the post above, but goes a bit further. Pressure is a highly delicate and sensitive thing for ADHD. If there isn’t enough we find it difficult to engage our brains (such as a deadline of “whenever you get around to it”) and if there is too much we simply shut down entirely (such as an imminent deadline of dire consequences). The feeling of an empty house is a welcome release from the pressure of other people’s expectations and allows ADHD to thrive on the novelty of self-direction. Being left to their own devices too long results in the vacuum of pressure that also precludes productivity.

The real trick is to come to a balance of input and/or accountability from trusted loved ones and the freedom of self-direction. On a day when I knew I wanted to clean I posted on Facebook about that intention and asked my friends to text me around supper time asking about it. The idea to clean was mine and the fact that I knew others would be asking helped to motivate without overloading me with pressure.

Stubbornness once more rears its head. This might even be viewed as Oppositional Defiance Disorder which has a 50% comorbidity diagnosed with ADHD in children. People with ADHD can defy instructions, even to the detriment of others and themselves. When emotions overwhelm the human brain we can lose the ability to access our centers of reason and logic. Known as an “Amygdala hijack” this can happen to almost everyone, ADHD or otherwise, but can be more common with ADHD because our emotions are so much more intense and harder to control. This can make it difficult or impossible to rationally decide what action on our part will result in the best outcome. A qualified professional can, in many cases, assist with processing strong emotions such as anger.

The effort involved in even the simplest tasks of day-to-day living is enormous for ADHD (especially before diagnosis and treatment). Accomplishing 1 item on a to do list can take a lot of energy, especially if, as is very common, the individual has made a list that cannot possibly be finished in the allotted time. Being unable to accurately predict how long any given task will take is another facet of time blindness that is also associated with ADHD.

Breaking down a to do list into smaller chunks is one strategy. Instead of “clean my room” instead consider “make bed”, then “pick up only clothes”, then “clear desk”. This can also help to more accurately predict the length of time needed for the work.

They say “If you want something done, give it to a busy person.” This doesn’t always hold true with ADHD. A lot of us are very anxious to please and make the people around us happy. We have a hard time saying “no” even when we know we cannot take on anymore work. This means we over-promise and under-deliver, causing us to feel badly about ourselves and tarnishing our reputations at work, with family, and in social groups.

I perpetually try to reverse that harmful tendency. I under-promise in order to over-deliver. Whatever deadline I think I can meet I usually double, just to be safe. If the task or project has no deadline I make it clear to the other person that I will do my best to get at it but that it may take some time. Nine times out of ten the other person will be happier to have the project delivered before the longer deadline than after the shorter one. If someone appears unhappy about the time, an explanation of the reasoning can show the goodwill and ease any concerns. “I have ADHD, so to make sure I don’t blow past a 1 week deadline, I’ve told you 2 weeks, and you’ll probably get it in ten days, but I don’t want to promise something and then fail to deliver.”

ADHD can remain disguised for many years by circumstance and coping mechanisms created to hide abnormality. There has been a spike in middle-aged individuals being diagnosed alongside their children because they looked at the list of symptoms and said “Wait... Everyone isn’t like this?” A lot of people with ADHD manage more or less effectively until a sudden increase in responsibility or a crisis throws them into chaos. Common events are entering grade 9, beginning college or university, moving out of parents’ house, or starting a family.

ADHD is one of the most treatable mental disorders. There are many resources and professionals available to help anyone curious about everything from diagnosis criteria to medication to nutritional treatments. When someone is living with undiagnosed, untreated ADHD they may feel as though they are lazy, stupid, and crazy. This is not the case and there is always, always hope.

What Works (With No Apology)

Judgement is a huge problem. Receiving it, having it poison your life, harboring it, expressing it, and still having it poison your life. It’s never a useful thing, except in those rare occasions when it is objective and requested/needed/welcomed.

It can also come up in very unexpected places and ways. Such as strategies for functioning in one’s life.

A lot of strategies and techniques folks with ADHD use appear very strange and confusing to neurotypicals viewing it from outside our brains. To be fair, though, their ability to decide to do something and then actually do it is equally strange and confusing to us. But those outside voices may judge us, or we may judge ourselves for what is actually the only way we get things done.

A great example is tech shaming. I rely on my phone and its reminder app for running 99% of my life. A lot of people have commented on the amount of time I spend on my phone and the frequency that I consult it. It is sometimes hard for me to ignore those voices and remember that, without this technology, I simply do not function. My executive function, chief among them memory, cannot cope with my life without this aid.

The flip-side of this concept, as I’ve been observing it, is the idea of “because this: that”. The idea that because strategy ABC has this attribute, say endorsement from a celebrity, prescribed by a doctor, prescribed by an alternate professional, written in a book, talked about on the internet, that it automatically is either 100% guaranteed or completely useless. When we lock ourselves into certain mind-frames, or assume, we invariably miss things.

My coach training served to solidify an idea that I’d been working on for some years: something works only if it works. Until you try something, you cannot know, for certain, if something is a help or a harm. That is the bottom line. Coaching is all about finding that unusual solution that just works for whatever miraculous and inexplicable reason.

This judgement thing though... Even when we know it’s in play, we can still allow it to affect us. I still feel shame every time I hear someone say “These kids nowadays with their iThings...” And I am fairly good at not caring what others think of me. It can keep us from embracing our true selves because we aren’t what common knowledge says is correct.

So I say: do everything you can to break free of judgement, from yourself or the world, and embrace what truly works for you, no matter how strange it may seem!

What’s standing in your way?

14 Ways ADHD is Like a Dragon

It occurred to me recently that Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder bears a strong resemblance to dragons.

1. When not well understood or respected, can cause devastating consequences. Conversely, when well understood, can be powerful ally.

Many people are unaware of their ADHD brain wiring and as such have no explanation or recourse when things seem to be falling to pieces around them. However, there are examples of people who credit their success to their ADHD. (I am one of those, even if I'm not famous... Yet. ;) This is, in my opinion, a result of a good understanding of the ways in which it manifests, acknowledging the challenges, and celebrating and nurturing the strengths.

2. It loves to steal all your gold.

ADHD brains are notoriously bad with money. We often need programs, techniques, partners, or other assistance to be able to effectively balance our finances.

3. It can be very difficult to study and tame it.

The frequent occurrences of sleep problems, comorbid conditions, and the wide variety of symptomology can obscure ADHD and its effects on our lives. Once knowledge has been gained, there is even more hard work to create and maintain tools for managing it day to day and year to year.

4. It loves to sleep for long periods of time.

Despite the 80% chance of a sleep issue, lots of ADHD folks love to sleep. It offers us a release from our sometimes crushing lives and refreshes us for another day.

5. There can be a hot temper involved.

Flash anger and other anger management issues are very common among ADHD individuals. Some of us mask it better than others, but it is very often there all the same.

6. Though on the outside it may appear to be tough, it is not so on the inside, and this can be the downfall.

The world can be unkind to us. This can cause us to present a tough, hardened face to the world. No matter how long this is maintained, however, it does not change the inner sensitivity.

7. Sometimes it can lay dormant for years, only to appear suddenly, without warning, laying waste to everything in sight.

New research has suggested that ADHD can manifest much later than previously thought. Or, if someone has had all their executive functioning taken care of by someone else, a spouse or personal assistant, and then suddenly that support is removed, their symptoms can flare up or become obvious for the first time in their lives, even in middle or later years.

8. It is possessed of an innate magic others often do not comprehend.

Not everything about ADHD is negative, despite what some would have it believed. ADHD often gives boosts to things like creativity and spontaneity. These carefree abilities may seem mystical to others.

9. There are many different kinds, each with its own unique qualities.

ADHD is currently divided into three sub-types: hyperactive (the classic, widely-known), inattentive (the dreamer), and combined-type (a combination of hyperactive and inattentive). Some experts are calling for more, as many as seven types.

10. No two examples look the same or have the same abilities and characteristics.

...and even only in the three official types, the degree and variation are such that I doubt two identical ADHD brains could be found.

11. Can be extremely self-involved and oblivious to others, crushing them under its feet.

People with ADHD are often accused of not caring about others. This is often completely untrue, but the illusion of not caring is created by the focus of the person simply being elsewhere. Our brains naturally focus on the most interesting or “stimulating” thing in our field of awareness. This does not mean everything else is unimportant, it is just how our brains are wired and it takes a colossal amount of effort to shift it to something less attention-grabbing. This is why I, and many other ADHD individuals, dislike socializing in sports bars. The TVs all around us grab our attention away from where we truly want it to be.

12. Completely rubbish at paperwork.

Paperwork is ADHD’s Kryptonite. The tedium forces our brains to use up dopamine very rapidly when we already have a limited supply and/or ability to produce, store, and use it.

13. Widely misunderstood and shrouded in mystery.

The public is frustratingly inundated with misinformation about ADHD. And gaining access to the facts, while having vastly improved in recent years, it still not nearly as easy as clickbait about the “false” disorder.

14. Often involved in epic adventures.

Novelty is one of the best possible things to offer someone with ADHD. We live for it and the buzz it gives our brains. Spur-of-the-moment road-trip? I’m down. Last-minute camping across the country? Sign me up! The stranger and more exciting the better. We don’t stop to think, we just dive right in.

Cooking Videos Demystifying Life

Lately I’ve been seeing quite a few cooking videos on my social media feeds. They are mesmerizing and make me itch to get into the kitchen even more often than I do - I love cooking. I’ve been wondering what it is about them that makes me so happy, other than the obvious satisfying imagery and potential for delicious meals in my future.

I came to the conclusion recently that they serve a dire need that’s been irritating my subconscious for years: the demystification of cooking for more people. In the videos, the chefs are implied to be ordinary people, they often spill ingredients, and the preparation is never “perfect”. It simply works and produces tantalizing results.

Food was never a mystery for me. At a young age my persistent and impatient hunger demanded I dive into its preparation and construction. I did see, however, that this is not how many others view cooking. Somewhat because it was made to be unattainable, something that only professionals and mothers could do.

The same can be said for many other aspects of life. When something is mysterious, it can be viewed as more difficult than it really is. I feel strongly that stripping away the mystery is one way to make life easier. This is part of what I do as a coach. I assist people to demystify their own workings so life can be made easier.

People have complimented me on my punctuality and I have been quick to demystify that, as well. My family were chronically late. It was a running joke among our friends and family, some of whom had similar habits. So when I got a job that required me to ride a bus, I either learned to be punctual, even 10-20 minutes early, or was 30-45 minutes late to my shift.

My current system includes the calendar on my smartphone, connected to my smartwatch, a daily routine of checking the calendar each morning, then setting alarms for each item on my schedule. This is what is required to make me on time. Nothing mysterious about it, except years of trial and error, a lot of education on ADHD, and iron-clad rules holding it all in place.

What mysteries remain to be dashed?