The Needs of the Many

Lately, whenever I hear about any tragedy, in which human choice played a part, I always experience two distinct things. First, naturally, I feel sadness for the suffering of the victims, their families, and humanity at large for the blow we all must suffer when basic human rights are violated. The second thing I feel is curiosity: what did that individual need, that they were not getting, that caused them to make this choice?

Every living thing on this planet has needs. Humans often confuse needs with wants, and therein lies part of the problem. I differentiate them by duration. In my experience, of myself, a want will fade with time and a need will remain, or even increase, with neglect. When a human’s needs are not met, they go about trying to get them met, sometimes in destructive ways.

What wrongs were perpetrated in the past that contributed to violence in the present? What word or deed could have healed a hurt that caused blood to be spilled? Who first taught the lesson of hate that, snowball-like, gained momentum and power, eventually destroying many lives?

Needs left unmet can cause harm on a much smaller scale. Sleep deprivation can cause a new mother to snap at a salesperson. Low blood sugar can cause a customer to be impatient with a waitress. We are all, of course, always responsible for our choices, but we are also affected by our needs.

Self care, as I have said in the past, can seem selfish. Considered in this light, however, it may be seen as an act of charity and kindness to the world at large. When we take care of ourselves, our needs, we have more opportunity to treat the other people in our sphere of influence well.

What need of yours could you meet to benefit humanity?

The Importance of Doing Self-Care (A Trivial Activity for Serious People)

Everyone has their limit. Many things affect the limit, and it looks different to every person, but it's there. Waiting. Lurking. Unseen and in many cases, dangerously undefined and uncertain.

My limit is usually heralded by tears. Something strikes me a certain way and here come the water works, not because the thing was necessarily that bad, but just because it's too much in that moment. When I'm chugging away on all cylinders, that thing wouldn't have gotten me down.

But take heart, friends. And take heed, for there is a magic thing you and I can do to prevent and lessen this limit-breaking stress. And it's two little words that mean just as much variety in content as does the word ‘limit’:

Self care.

Some people tend to look on self care as ‘coddling’ or ‘sheltering’ or being ‘lazy’ or ‘selfish’. You know what I think is selfish? Running on empty until you crash and burn, therefore causing others to have to pick up your pieces.

My approach to self care is the idea that many small things over time create something big. This goes both ways. Ignoring many small things that hurt eventually build up to something huge and insurmountable. Conversely, many small actions that heal eventually build up to something huge and fortifying.

I'm not talking vacations to Maui and $100 bottles of champagne. I'm talking my favourite slippers instead of cold feet and going to bed when I need to instead of being on Facebook for hours.

I often tell myself I don't have time to do self care. Maybe that's true.

What I really don't have time for, however, is not doing self care.